Abhey Gupta

Author: Abhey Gupta

  • He Breaks Me

    So blindly we move to act,
    and so did I —
    chasing a fleeting comfort,
    slipping, somehow, into the dark.

    It preys upon my ruin,
    leaving wounds that never close;
    I scream, I cry, I beg for help,
    but it tears me down, again and again.

    I run from him, undone,
    a crowd gathers to watch — never to help —
    and he breaks me, again and again.

    And it is never only once:
    I live it every single day —
    that face, watching me, merciless,
    while I, helpless as ever, go numb and weep.

    Facing him, again and again,
    he laughs at every tear;
    the more I break, the more he revels,
    as he draws the very life out of me.

    He plays it out; I go numb just hearing it.
    He fills my veins with his poison,
    and now I lean on him to save me —
    the one who ruins me… will he ever help?

    So strange this world is,
    so artificial, all of them;
    some have hidden from their own sanity —
    cowards, every one.
    And I…

  • The Moon

    It sits so gently in the sky,
    looking down at me and saying,
    “I care about you, my friend;
    I am missing you, my lover.”
    A million voices call to it —
    the moon, but still so silent, and alone…

    “I am something for you, everything for you;
    look at me, and weave your dreams.
    I am into you, without a clue —
    don’t look away, I hold dreams for you.”
    I hope not to rule, but as a friend, to help you —
    the moon, but still so fascinating, so thrilling…

    “I am far away from you in distance,
    but I am there, inside your heart;
    your lover asks me to care for you,
    and you ask me to look out for her.
    I am the keeper of souls — for them” —
    the moon, shining slyly with the sun’s light…

    “I am love, and a vampire’s temple;
    I hold the depth of the sea, the plains of darkness.
    I owe a favor to repay — a dark night of eclipse,
    to live one endless night, and lay down all my pride,
    looking for a place to face my loneliness” —
    the moon, the high sky’s hope of harness…

  • Dreams to Reality

    I had a dream of having thee —
    not just anyone, but the most special one.
    Shakily, I said those three words to thee,
    and I owe my life to loving you.

    In the moment of that special day,
    you moved my dreams into reality;
    out from my soul, I cried that day too —
    not from sorrow, but from the joy of having thee.

    How much I love you cannot be expressed,
    yet the love I hold can never be suppressed;
    the time and the things I shared with you —
    the best of all of it is all because of you.

    The more I give, the more of you I have,
    and I am living, from dreams into reality.
    Now I wonder where you are, or if you feel alone —
    do you miss me, as I am missing you?

    Every moment I spend, I spend with you;
    now my life is nothing without you.
    I can feel you inside my head,
    I can see you, right next to me.

    All the love and care you give to me
    have touched my dreams into reality;
    I wish your every pain and sorrow could be mine —
    just you, and all because I love you.

  • The Sky

    Love-full, and pondering,
    with a desire to fill everything,
    I look through the air — you,
    the sky — I dream, day and night.
    I could draw it in my notebook,
    but it fills instead with feelings of you;
    so far, yet so close to me,
    the sky sketches everything I want. (cloudy)

    My lost selves are in you,
    love and the lover, gazing at me;
    I am scared, and I look to you to calm me —
    the sky, so far above, always with me. (white sky)

    Slowly moving with the storm,
    I am looking every way to say,
    there it is — where are you? — but I know;
    the sky, falling before me. (dark cloud)

    Blank as you may be,
    still I see so much blue in you,
    infinite to gaze and stare upon —
    the sky, after rain, so clear.

    Moving into each other, and lost into one,
    having lost you, I wonder;
    I think of what I see — love, and destruction —
    the sky: so futuristic, so prophetic.

  • I Don’t Quit

    I was sinking with every second,
    darkness was all I breathed in;
    I had been weakened by her strength,
    but I did not quit… I am still wandering.

    It is growing darker, yes,
    yet still I can see her eyes
    staring back at me — and I do not quit.

    Spoken, and wide open,
    all that I was, I did not know;
    somehow I received her,
    my eyes brimming — but I did not quit.

    I am waiting all along my way,
    to have, to hold, one day;
    I will keep waiting for years,
    because I do not quit.

  • My Lost Friend

    So unstoppable are my dreams,
    I cannot find the words to explain;
    still I am trying hard to find
    why you are so sweet — my lost friend.

    Like certain, lingering moments,
    I am waiting for her;
    as if I know what I am leading to —
    I know her name, still, my lost friend.

    Special, I feel — and so I am;
    not hard to find, yet so precious to hold.
    The smile she places on my face
    always makes me think of my lost friend.

    Like a heaven, I am in it —
    distant apart, yet the senses reach;
    when beauty lies more within than without,
    I get only one answer: my lost friend.

    People may seem so estranged,
    but you make me believe in you;
    a voice so sweet, playing in my head —
    just another track of my lost friend.

    I am sitting here, thinking of thee,
    wondering what I would be without you;
    but soon your face recalls the words —
    “I am here with you,” my lost friend.

  • When I Was

    When I was falling from the sky,
    I thought only of thee;
    maybe I would not have lived,
    but the memories always will…

    When I was asked to let go,
    I did not draw a single breath;
    maybe I would have taken it back,
    but the love stays always with me…

    When I was carried to the sea,
    I surrendered myself to thee;
    maybe I would have flowed away,
    but your touch sailed me home…

    When I was speechless,
    I searched for the words to flow;
    maybe they would have cast me out,
    but the lips of thee helped me…

    When I was meant to hate,
    I looked for the reason to love;
    maybe I would have accused,
    but the truth, as always, is tender…

    When I was in the storm,
    I lived every moment for thee;
    maybe I would have to go,
    forever — but I always do as I do.

  • I Wonder

    It’s 2010 — a new year — and what I’m about to publish is simply a reminiscence of the last one, written in the hope that I can learn from it and live this year more fully.

    Last year, I was good to many and bad to most — sad, but true. And the first name I count among them is my own.

    Yes — I said me. We can be good to anyone we meet, but not until we are good to ourselves. We keep trying to pretend to be what we are not; our inner self reflects who we truly are, and I spent the whole year pretending to be what others wanted me to be.

    Still, I’ll remember 2009 as a memorable year. You must be wondering why — because I lived through so much good and bad in it. January, the beginning of the year, fortunately brought some good my way; but instead of simply celebrating it, I began demanding more, and slipped into a circle of suffering.

    But as I always say, “Bad brings better for you” — and I try to follow that.

    Thank you, friends, for being so wonderful to me.

    — Abhay Gupta

    We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.

    Rabindranath Tagore

  • भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है

    ना जाने क्यों भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है!
    मैं खो न जाऊँ इसमें कहीं!
    जब हम भी अनसुना करते थे —
    आज हम भी हुए, तो ऐसा क्या है!
    ना जाने इस बार क्या ख़ास बात है…

    अकेले-से दिख रहे हैं चेहरे कई,
    कुछ कह रहे हैं, लेकिन कई कुछ नहीं;
    लगता है, भीड़ की तन्हाई ही ऐसी है।

    ना जाने क्यों भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है;
    सोचता हूँ, मैं भी भीड़ ही बन जाऊँ —
    अपने जाने-पहचाने कुछ चेहरे थे,
    बेगानी-सी भीड़ में छुपे हैं, वो भी।

    ना जाने इसमें क्या बात है —
    भीड़ में खोए हम, तब भी कुछ याद है;
    भूले नहीं जिसे हम कभी भी,
    वही हमारी तन्हाई की याद है।

    ना जाने क्यों भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है;
    हैं इस इंतज़ार में हम भी, मगर —
    शायद कोई पुकारे भीड़ से हमें,
    तोड़े ये पल-पल मारता अँधेरा।

  • Face

    I see so much in a still face —
    sometimes lost, sometimes struggling for a way;
    they hold a secret sadness, every face,
    and seem, especially, to be looking for a way to cry.

    I feel it when I see a downcast face:
    it is losing its joy with every hurt,
    painting over a memory of every phase,
    hiding itself behind every fake.

    I speak to every downcast face —
    not with words, but with a glance.
    I hesitate to face that estate,
    because I lack the ease to move at that free pace.

    But I am in love with one face —
    unknown to me, yet a dream, I say;
    struggling to find it, in any case,
    and leaving it a choice to make my fate.