I am someone’s lover,
and bereft of another;
I am a teller of truth,
and an edge of sham.
I am a crowd of people,
yet aware of none;
I am a dream to people,
and a nightmare to the lonely.
I am a hunger and a sorrow,
starving for my desires;
I am a hope and an agony,
and the pretender of life.
I am the part of a few mornings,
but in lieu of some mourning;
I renounce the grimaces —
yet still, the crowd has many faces.
जब वो ख़ामोश नज़र से मुझे देखती है,
कुछ कहते-कहते न जाने कहाँ खो जाती है।
जब मैं उससे नज़रें मिलाकर कहता हूँ —
“कुछ तो बात है जो आप बताना चाहती हैं,”
झुकी हुई पलकों से वो मुँह मोड़ लेती है,
फिर धीरे से, एक झूठ ही सही, बोल देती है।
कुछ कहना होता तो कह देती,
पर न जाने क्यों, यह बात मुझे बेमानी लगती है।
Step over step, as I move further into my life,
I find one name written across my memories.
Winds and floods of troubles passed over you,
yet it stays intact — my finest memory.
Someday, somehow, it was meant to be:
that we would meet, and become good friends.
Now, when I pour out my silence,
I always remember you, my friend.
In a moment of darkness,
you hold me in your caress;
and in a moment of dullness,
one name draws close to me again.
Some of my greatest memories are these —
those little but sweet fights with you,
the whispered words of love,
and how I loved to share my everything with you.
जब कभी मैं ख़ामोश होता हूँ,
किसी दुख के अँधेरे में खो-सा जाता हूँ —
मुझे एक आवाज़, एक हँसी सुनाई देती है:
वो एक तुम्हारी मुस्कुराहट…
लगता है, एक आदत-सी हो गई है
मुझे सपनों में गुम हो जाने की —
इसलिए, कि मुझे मिली थी वो ख़ुशी,
शायद वो तुम्हारी एक मुस्कुराहट की…
कभी-कभी चेहरों में ढूँढता रहता हूँ,
मिल जाए मुझे फिर वैसी कोई हँसी —
मगर नहीं, कोई मिली अभी तक:
वो एक मुस्कुराहट — जानी-अनजानी — मेरी एक दोस्त की…
This is for someone I have come to know — someone who has become a part of my world. To give a name to every relationship is difficult, so in the verse below I try to express a few of my untouched memories with that person — without, of course, disclosing her name.
I often say a few words,
but your answer silences my world.
When I stand, sad, in a corner,
your unspoken touch heals me.
I set things wrong for myself,
but you correct them, and feel me;
I hide, trying to run from life,
and you come close, and love me.
When I ask, “Who am I to you?”
I hear your unanswered, eternal truth.
My friend — do I matter to you?
Your eyes ache just to hear it.
I searched for a truth, and for you —
and God gave me both, in you.
And when I call you with my silence,
once again, your answer silences my world…
I walked past my barriers and flew,
moving through the world I always desired;
slowly it is drawing close to reality,
and I am falling in love with life again.
I poured myself deep into a dream,
drank down all the hate, and was left with peace;
this time it is not the same old faith —
and I am falling in love with life again.
No longer measuring my needs and pride,
wondering what it all would have been before,
fiery-eyed, and waiting for thee —
and I am falling in love with life again.
There is still a way to go, a shore to reach;
loving every second, I live a little more.
I come around alone, but not the same —
and I am falling in love with life again.
When peace takes hold of me,
far from anything I desire,
alone, at my very best —
I hear the words of silence.
I ask: is this it?
My soul echoes back: live it.
Sitting in the corner, unfelt,
I feel the power of silence.
I lay my speech bare,
with a tender flinch;
but something empowered me,
and I found it in a crowd of silence.
I am lowered by the feelings,
and settle back into the voyage;
but a charisma is meant to happen —
and I am travelling through peace, in silence.
I tried, and cried, and cried again,
but I never said goodbye;
afraid of losing what I’d already lost,
I kept hoping for one more try.
A different way to start the fight,
to seek another exit out;
failing in every single attempt,
I kept recalling my hollow pride.
The this, the that, the why, the what —
I made up every excuse;
outside the box, I poured out my lies,
still hoping to keep you by my side.
Once, I made a mistake,
and I paid for it a long, long way;
I didn’t find a slope, but hope —
something that might heal my wounds again.
I gave it one final try,
until the day I finally realized:
I had hoped, but was never welcomed,
and possession was no medal to win.
But a miracle was meant to happen —
to meet someone, and to matter;
and I came through it changed, and now I know —
I owe a change in me.
So blindly we move to act,
and so did I —
chasing a fleeting comfort,
slipping, somehow, into the dark.
It preys upon my ruin,
leaving wounds that never close;
I scream, I cry, I beg for help,
but it tears me down, again and again.
I run from him, undone,
a crowd gathers to watch — never to help —
and he breaks me, again and again.
And it is never only once:
I live it every single day —
that face, watching me, merciless,
while I, helpless as ever, go numb and weep.
Facing him, again and again,
he laughs at every tear;
the more I break, the more he revels,
as he draws the very life out of me.
He plays it out; I go numb just hearing it.
He fills my veins with his poison,
and now I lean on him to save me —
the one who ruins me… will he ever help?
So strange this world is,
so artificial, all of them;
some have hidden from their own sanity —
cowards, every one.
And I…
It sits so gently in the sky,
looking down at me and saying,
“I care about you, my friend;
I am missing you, my lover.”
A million voices call to it —
the moon, but still so silent, and alone…
“I am something for you, everything for you;
look at me, and weave your dreams.
I am into you, without a clue —
don’t look away, I hold dreams for you.”
I hope not to rule, but as a friend, to help you —
the moon, but still so fascinating, so thrilling…
“I am far away from you in distance,
but I am there, inside your heart;
your lover asks me to care for you,
and you ask me to look out for her.
I am the keeper of souls — for them” —
the moon, shining slyly with the sun’s light…
“I am love, and a vampire’s temple;
I hold the depth of the sea, the plains of darkness.
I owe a favor to repay — a dark night of eclipse,
to live one endless night, and lay down all my pride,
looking for a place to face my loneliness” —
the moon, the high sky’s hope of harness…