Abhey Gupta

Tag: longing

longing

  • The Sky

    Love-full, and pondering,
    with a desire to fill everything,
    I look through the air — you,
    the sky — I dream, day and night.
    I could draw it in my notebook,
    but it fills instead with feelings of you;
    so far, yet so close to me,
    the sky sketches everything I want. (cloudy)

    My lost selves are in you,
    love and the lover, gazing at me;
    I am scared, and I look to you to calm me —
    the sky, so far above, always with me. (white sky)

    Slowly moving with the storm,
    I am looking every way to say,
    there it is — where are you? — but I know;
    the sky, falling before me. (dark cloud)

    Blank as you may be,
    still I see so much blue in you,
    infinite to gaze and stare upon —
    the sky, after rain, so clear.

    Moving into each other, and lost into one,
    having lost you, I wonder;
    I think of what I see — love, and destruction —
    the sky: so futuristic, so prophetic.

  • I Don’t Quit

    I was sinking with every second,
    darkness was all I breathed in;
    I had been weakened by her strength,
    but I did not quit… I am still wandering.

    It is growing darker, yes,
    yet still I can see her eyes
    staring back at me — and I do not quit.

    Spoken, and wide open,
    all that I was, I did not know;
    somehow I received her,
    my eyes brimming — but I did not quit.

    I am waiting all along my way,
    to have, to hold, one day;
    I will keep waiting for years,
    because I do not quit.

  • My Lost Friend

    So unstoppable are my dreams,
    I cannot find the words to explain;
    still I am trying hard to find
    why you are so sweet — my lost friend.

    Like certain, lingering moments,
    I am waiting for her;
    as if I know what I am leading to —
    I know her name, still, my lost friend.

    Special, I feel — and so I am;
    not hard to find, yet so precious to hold.
    The smile she places on my face
    always makes me think of my lost friend.

    Like a heaven, I am in it —
    distant apart, yet the senses reach;
    when beauty lies more within than without,
    I get only one answer: my lost friend.

    People may seem so estranged,
    but you make me believe in you;
    a voice so sweet, playing in my head —
    just another track of my lost friend.

    I am sitting here, thinking of thee,
    wondering what I would be without you;
    but soon your face recalls the words —
    “I am here with you,” my lost friend.

  • भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है

    ना जाने क्यों भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है!
    मैं खो न जाऊँ इसमें कहीं!
    जब हम भी अनसुना करते थे —
    आज हम भी हुए, तो ऐसा क्या है!
    ना जाने इस बार क्या ख़ास बात है…

    अकेले-से दिख रहे हैं चेहरे कई,
    कुछ कह रहे हैं, लेकिन कई कुछ नहीं;
    लगता है, भीड़ की तन्हाई ही ऐसी है।

    ना जाने क्यों भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है;
    सोचता हूँ, मैं भी भीड़ ही बन जाऊँ —
    अपने जाने-पहचाने कुछ चेहरे थे,
    बेगानी-सी भीड़ में छुपे हैं, वो भी।

    ना जाने इसमें क्या बात है —
    भीड़ में खोए हम, तब भी कुछ याद है;
    भूले नहीं जिसे हम कभी भी,
    वही हमारी तन्हाई की याद है।

    ना जाने क्यों भीड़ कुछ ज़्यादा है;
    हैं इस इंतज़ार में हम भी, मगर —
    शायद कोई पुकारे भीड़ से हमें,
    तोड़े ये पल-पल मारता अँधेरा।

  • Face

    I see so much in a still face —
    sometimes lost, sometimes struggling for a way;
    they hold a secret sadness, every face,
    and seem, especially, to be looking for a way to cry.

    I feel it when I see a downcast face:
    it is losing its joy with every hurt,
    painting over a memory of every phase,
    hiding itself behind every fake.

    I speak to every downcast face —
    not with words, but with a glance.
    I hesitate to face that estate,
    because I lack the ease to move at that free pace.

    But I am in love with one face —
    unknown to me, yet a dream, I say;
    struggling to find it, in any case,
    and leaving it a choice to make my fate.

  • Shall I

    You are not close to my mind —
    and my soul, perhaps, knows this is the truth.
    Nor should I hold the strength
    to chase it, or to face that truth.

    I may not be special to you,
    nor even worth a single tear.
    But this feeling of mine doesn’t care for that;
    maybe we’ll be the same again one day —
    or maybe you’ll never see my face again.

    Does any of it still matter to you?
    Inside my heart, the feeling stays,
    where you hold a forever place.
    But shall I keep living this feeling this way,
    or shall I finally break away?

    I cannot hold my tears like this.
    My life will never be the same —
    so shall I go on living even one more day?

  • न किया होता

    तन्हाई के पल से जब मिले हम,
    दिल में न जाने कहाँ एक टीस हुई।
    सोचा — प्यार की रचना किसने की?
    उस दिन तुम्हारे प्यार की याद आई।

    सोचा — किसने, कैसे, और क्यों बनाया?
    कभी ख़ुशी की बारिश होती है,
    कभी अपने ही लहू के आँसू की।
    लेकिन एक बात मेरी समझ ज़रूर आई:

    न किया होता प्यार हमने तुमसे,
    शायद ऐसे कथन तो न होते;
    यूँ रात को तन्हाई में जागे न होते,
    तुम्हारी याद में यूँ तो न रोते।

    न जाने कितने और ऐसे होंगे,
    कितने ही मेरे जैसे अकेले होंगे।
    मुझे नहीं पता, क्या होगा मेरा,
    जीवन के किस मोड़ पर जाऊँगा।

    पर यह नज़ाकत समझ तो आ गई —
    इश्क़ से बड़ी कोई सज़ा नहीं होती।
    काश हमने भी इश्क़ न किया होता,
    तन्हाई का दर्द हमें भी न होता,
    वक़्त की चोट से यूँ रूबरू न होते,
    न ही कोई हमें रुलाने वाला होता।

  • Let Me Die

    Lord, my Lord — let me sleep forever.
    Restless is my soul; let it rest forever.
    This shallow heart is more complex than ever —
    let me die, in spirit, tonight.

    I died a long time ago, in every way but body;
    now, today, let me sleep endlessly.
    Say my prayers, and remember everyone;
    let my wandering soul rest in your garden.

    A martyr I am not,
    a flower of love I do not have —
    only a boulevard of longing dreams
    that shattered my mind with a knife of panic.

    Let me rest today, completely.

  • Even With You Here

    Even with you here at night,
    I’m lost in the depths of darkness.

    No light to be seen—only the curse of pain,
    as sorrow weaves its web of solitude.

    Ecstasy rides the fresh-rain breeze,
    yet far away a tunnel of nostalgia beckons.
    My soul is snared by the monster of loneliness.

    The sun rises, banishing the night,
    yet my soul stays shrouded in confusion.

    I wish to wander through the night,
    where no one would ever know
    that I cry for you in silence.

  • You Matter to Me

    You matter to me.

    You were my dream;
    those were my screams.
    You were there again in tonight’s dreams—
    why, why again, tonight?

    Sick of your pain,
    the kiss of your fake chain.

    I remember all those moments
    when you, the only one, would wander.

    No… no… no… no… no—but
    I still love you.

    Who cares about the hurt
    when I care only for you—
    because you matter to me.