Abhey Gupta

Tag: Regret

  • बस इशारा रह गया

    बातों से भरा हुआ वो पिटारा रह गया,
    कहने को बहुत कुछ था, बस इशारा रह गया।

    शिकायतों का झोला हल्का हुआ करता था,
    अब जो भरा तो सिर्फ़ ये कंधा बेचारा रह गया।

    वो छोटी सी बात थी, कह देते तो निकल जाती,
    कही नहीं गयी — सीने में शरारा रह गया।

    दरिया तो बह गया, दोनों तरफ़ ख़ाली पड़ी,
    तुम उस तरफ़, मैं इस तरफ़, बस ये किनारा रह गया।

    सोचा था झोला खोल के रख दूँगा सामने तेरे,
    तुम आये ही नहीं, दिल में गिला सारा रह गया।

    ‘अभय’ अब राह में हर एक से बात हो जाती है,
    वो बात ही नहीं होती, बस एक गुज़ारा रह गया।

    वही बात — खुली नज़्म में

    बातों का पिटारा लिये फिरता था,
    छोटी-मोटी जो भी होती, सब कह देना,
    बात से बात का निकलना, वक़्त का गुज़र जाना,
    अब उनसे बात हुए इतना अरसा… कि गिनना छोड़ दिया।

    शिकायतों का झोला हल्का सा रहता था,
    वक़्त-बेवक़्त, दिल की हर बात कह जाना,
    यूँ ही कुछ भी मान लेना, हक़ से अपना कहना,
    वक़्त के साथ झोला भरता गया… अब उठाया नहीं जाता।

    अब भी छोटी-मोटी होती है, मगर किसको कह देना,
    जेब में रख लेना, और भूल जाना,
    हर बात अधूरी, होंठों तक आ के रुक जाना,
    पिटारा वही का वही… बस अब खुलता नहीं।

    कई बार सोचा, झोला खोल के सामने रख दूँ,
    एक-एक शिकायत गिनवा दूँ, थोड़ा हल्का हो जाना,
    फिर ख़याल आया — अब वो हक़ ही कहाँ रहा,
    शिकायत किस से करना… और माफ़ी किस से माँगना।

    अब दोनों कंधे पे हैं — एक ख़ाली, एक भरा,
    अजीब है कि बोझ दोनों का एक सा,
    रास्ते में जो मिले, उससे हाल कह देना,
    पर वो बात नहीं होती… जो उनसे हुआ करती थी।

  • The Battle Within

    It was not easy — the battle within,
    to wrestle with feelings; where should I begin?
    Not easy to hide, to shield from your view
    the thought that my silence might one day hurt you.

    Apologies linger, though the words feel so frail —
    no action, no phrase, can rewrite the tale.
    If only a moment, a click, could erase
    the shadows that linger, the paths we misplaced.

  • Best Thing in My Life

    Undoubtedly, you are the best thing that has happened to me.

    I know it is very hard to live life with me, but I promise: I will keep trying to understand you, more and more — and not to be so serious.

    I really want everything to work out well. I know it will — but somewhere, somebody has to take the pain of it, and I don’t want it to be you. So I will.

    And no doubt, because of that, I am no longer the very cool person I once was; but my love for you hasn’t changed, not a little — it is the same as it always was, and as it ever will be.

    I love you. And I am sorry for upsetting you.

  • Corner of Life

    I pass by morning again,
    to see myself walking down the same roads;
    some are with me, others lost in the past;
    you come and go — but I wait, in one corner of my life…

    There you come, as my beloved,
    hold my hand, and wish for nothing else;
    love yourself, and I love the world, and my desire — you;
    and holding myself in one corner of life, I wonder nothing else.

    And then comes the battle, and the loss;
    I run from you, and from your love;
    I watch you go, and come, and ruin my life;
    in one corner of my life, I regret, day after day…

    And with the morning now past,
    I hold one more desire, longing for one more;
    lost and lost, to wherever everyone has been —
    from one corner, I watch life go on, like this.

  • I Owe a Change in Me

    I tried, and cried, and cried again,
    but I never said goodbye;
    afraid of losing what I’d already lost,
    I kept hoping for one more try.

    A different way to start the fight,
    to seek another exit out;
    failing in every single attempt,
    I kept recalling my hollow pride.

    The this, the that, the why, the what —
    I made up every excuse;
    outside the box, I poured out my lies,
    still hoping to keep you by my side.

    Once, I made a mistake,
    and I paid for it a long, long way;
    I didn’t find a slope, but hope —
    something that might heal my wounds again.

    I gave it one final try,
    until the day I finally realized:
    I had hoped, but was never welcomed,
    and possession was no medal to win.

    But a miracle was meant to happen —
    to meet someone, and to matter;
    and I came through it changed, and now I know —
    I owe a change in me.

  • Don’t Have Now

    One day, hurt and confused,
    I looked around — where am I?
    I was trying to find myself again,
    but the mirror of my guilt stood before me.

    I looked at him; he stared back at me.
    Tired, at last, of trying to neglect him,
    he still followed me —
    am I his shadow, or is he me?

    Confusing… but at least it is my own.
    I thought as much, and moved on,
    yet paranoia was all I felt;
    there was nothing left to see.

    I have come to understand one thing:
    running away was never the solution.
    What shall I tell my soul now,
    lost in the depth of all I don’t have now?

  • Forgive Me

    I was wrong, and somewhere, so were you…
    Things were never as bad as they seemed.
    A few uttered words of my soul,
    and a few of hers, dissolved it all—
    the unnamed thing we had between us.

    Hope is all I can do, and all I have now.
    Things will be the same again someday;
    I’ll hold the same dreams in my eyes
    and taste those tears of joy once more.
    I’ll hear those words one day—
    but silence is all I assume for now.

    I’ve heard it often: time heals all wounds.
    But feeling—can it ever be surpassed?
    This is the one thing I know, after all of this:
    some things will never bend to your will.

    So I let go of all my complaining—
    forgive me, because I was wrong.